While riding my scooter home from the bank I saw James. We
met a couple years ago. I met his wife and two daughters. The girls belonged to
James’ wife by a previous marriage. They seemed happy. James was doing a landscaping
business and had helped us out a few times. He was a recovering alcoholic. He
had been attending a good church.
Someone told me recently that James was having issues. “He
and his wife have split up and he’s drinking again.”
So when I saw James, I pulled a U-ey, which is easy to do on
a scooter. He looked haggard and had a five o’clock shadow.
“How are you?”
“Fine. Okay.”
“I heard things are not going well for you?”
“Yeah, we’re getting a divorce.”
We exchanged a few more sentences. Feeling pain and a strong
desire to help, I said, “Is there any hope? You’ve gotta maintain some hope, James.”
“No. It’s better for us to be happy and apart than to be sad
and together.”
“I’m sorry, that really sucks.”
“It does,” he admitted, toeing the grass where he was standing.
Feeling powerless, I ended with, “I love you. Don’t give up.”
As I rode away, I felt like crying. “O God, help James not
to quit.”
One day Jesus was questioned about divorce.
After telling the Jewish teachers that
marriage is God’s idea and that it’s a lifetime commitment, they asked this
question. “Why then did Moses command one
to give a certificate of divorce, and to put her away?” He said to them,
“For your hardness of heart Moses allowed you to divorce your wives, but from
the beginning it was not so.[1]
That part jumps out at me, “For your hardness of heart Moses allowed you to divorce your wives,
but from the beginning it was not so.”
Divorce is not God’s intention.
The problem is “hardness
of heart.” James has it.
I have it too. I have the potential to divorce my wife
because of the hardness of my heart. It’s part of our human fallenness.
What is hardness of heart? It’s attitudes and words like, “It’s
not my fault!” “You’re wrong!” “I’m sick of trying, it’s up to her.” It’s a
failure to take responsibility for our own part in the demise of the
relationship. It’s an unwillingness to talk about it.
As I approached home, I felt really bad.
May God have mercy on our marriages. No matter how tough it
gets, don’t allow your heart to get hard.
“Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it.”[2]
The opposite of a hard heart is a tender heart. One Old
Testament king was told, “… because your
heart was penitent (or tender), and you humbled yourself before the Lord, …
I also have heard you…”[3]
Pray for James and for all who are contemplating divorce.
Pray for healthy marriages. If you’ve gone through a painful divorce, pray that
you’ll keep a soft heart now in your present circumstances. Don’t give up!
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